Welcome to Night Vale

Cecil Palmer
Lot #37 at the Sheriff’s Secret Police Auction
ALL HAIL
The Glow Cloud
Steve Carlsberg
Just the worst
Erika
If angels existed, all of them would be named this:
The Time of Knives
The original summer reading program
Carlos the Scientist
Has teeth like a military cemetery
Deer
Real estate agents live in these
Hiram McDaniels
Wanted for tax fraud, also a five headed dragon.
Huntocar
The god worshiped by the underground city
Nazr al-Mujaheed
His boys are “good football boys”
Soft Meat Crown
Worn by the early settlers of Night Vale
The Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives inside of your home
Is smelling your neck, right now.
Wheat and it’s by-products
Have been known to turn into snakes
Former Station Intern Dana (or her double)
The laws of time and space don’t really apply to her anymore
John Peters
You know, the farmer?
Clocks
None of these are real in Night Vale
Condos
A perfect kind of human
Tamika Flynn
Conqueror of the Librarians
Telly the Barber
Likes sports, and has posters of combs
The Man in the Tan Jacket
Is probably a fly salesman
Old Woman Josie
If she falls, so does this town
Khoshekh
Cannot be captured on film, used to hovers four feet from the ground in the men’s bathroom
Megan
Was born as an adult male’s severed hand
Marcus Vansten
Was Night Vale’s most wealthy citizen before being chosen by the angels. Now, he does not legally exist
Station Intern Dylan
Never returned from the subway
Cactus June
Night Vale’s third most beautiful woman
Kevin
Believes in a smiling god, host of “Welcome to Desert Bluffs”
Big Rico’s
The only pizza parlor that hasn’t burnt down in an unsolved arson case
Moonlite all-nite diner
Serves the best invisible pie in town
Strexcorp
Bought NVCR from station management
Trees
They are us
Alligators
They can kill your children
A pack of feral dogs
Plastic bags. Plastic. Bags. PLASTIC. BAGS.
You
Came to Night Vale after experiencing a vision of a dark planet lit by no sun of incredible size
Mayor Pamela Winchell
Calls way too many emergency press conferences
Hidden Gorge
It’s pulses decides who the mayor of Night Vale will be
Gino’s Italian Dining Experience
The fanciest restaurant, located in old town Night Vale
THE BROWN STONE SPIRE
Offering solutions to your problems in exchange for terrible, unspeakable costs. Has a slogan, but it cannot be pronounced
The Man who is not short
Works for a vague, yet menacing government agency
WZZZ
Night Vale’s local number station
The Shape in Grove Park
It doesn’t like it when you talk about it
Mountains
Do not exist. The world is flat, all the way round
Street Cleaning Day
The most terrifying thing ever
Helicopters with murals depicting birds of prey
Nobody knows what these mean
The Apache Tracker
A real racist as*hole
Calculators
Banned by City Council
JP’s OJ
Coming into contact with this will take you out of our time
The Abandoned Mine Shaft
Get’s HBO, also used for torture
The Pyramid
Broadcasts advertisements for Flaky-O’s in impossibly low tones
City Council
Delivers their messages through strange, mute children